17 December 2014

"Easy to smile"

I feel immediately happy looking to photos like these, because this is actually how I see myself, I'd say this is a classic behaviour of mine.
Once I read an interview where it was asked to the person to describe herself in 3 words and the answer was: "Easy to smile!" I loved it because that's what me and my dearest people would say about me.

Unfortunately, what I've been discovering is that this is not what I am most of my days. There are certain environments, where unfortunately I have to spend most of my time, where now I know I could NEVER be myself, where a lot of people that has "known" me since forever do not know me like this because I could never be myself under penalty of being even more excluded. Having born surrounded by narrow minded people do have these disappointments... Anyway I'd refer my own guilty here too, for lacking the strength to affirm myself without giving a damn on everyone, but this strength and self-confidence took me several years to realize and achieve. Anyway, those days are over I guess.

These past years really taught me to be myself and myself only, so, no more pretending, no more effort to please people who will never accept me or be pleased with me. Stepping out of an un/comfort zone isn't always easy but it's the only thing that makes sense.

Back to the photos, I do see myself like this and being in a good mood is a normal state of mine, but it's a pitty I can't smile and laugh like this to everyone, not even to my closest people, either because I had to wear a mask for so long that now I don't feel like doing any effort to make it better or simply because there are people and places on my daily basis where energies are just really bad and you know: "trust the vibes you get, energy doesn't lie".
So, yeah, this is me, not with everyone, not everywhere.
On other notes, I feel I've been focusing a lot, too much actually, on the dark side of life with all these thoughts and conclusions for the past months, I must stop and accept everything as it is, hard as it can be, and move on.

"What made her strong was despite the million things that hurt her, she spoke of nothing... nothing but happiness."

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