27 November 2016


I have this post written in my head for a few weeks already, yes I've been constructing it mentally for awhile, and with the (American) Thanksgiving Day I thought it would be appropriate time to write it down - meaning: to stop and take the time needed to be thankful.

This year, I have so much to be thankful for I don't even know where to start.

It all started with the worst year of my life, 2015. 2015 was so bad and uninspiring that at some point I honestly felt very close to a complete burnout (I wrote about it here and here - ouch!!). But, thankfully, I'm a person of big decisions and I could, by myself, make the turn to better ones.

I don't know if any of you (you! eheh I'm not sure anyone reads this blog anymore, but it doesn't matter) have ever experienced a bad job. And by bad, I mean, really bad. Ok, so, that was what happened to me for a year or so.

I started my job in 2014, after an internship in the same place the previous year. Both the beginning and the internship where great experiences, it was the revelations that can only come with time that made it the worst thing in the universe for me!

As I said, in the beginning, it was fantastic because I was just back from several academic experiences abroad so I was 'fresh blood' full of energy, a kid happy with the idea of getting her first job (decently well-payed), seen almost like a super star because I had a good comprehension of English (which was really needed) and because I had no family (I wasn't an adult with children, husband and routines - you know?), therefore, no timetables setted up neither. I made them feel I was 24/7 living for it and the truth is, I actually was. Until I stopped being! Lol

As time went by, by mid 2015, I started to feel very disappointed, I started to get to know and to understand the meanderings of the job, the institution itself and it all reveiled like a fraud to me. Everything I heard about it before I get in, was rubbish.

Also, I was in a place that was new to me but obviously not new for most of the people I was working with - most of them worked there for their entire lives - so, they had lots of bickers and work vicious too, and specially this last one, was what I started to struggle with. I started to disagree with their modus operandi and felt everything was done to 'show' something, like just for marketing purposes and to let people thinking we were actually doing something, always super busy bees, when we actually were not. :) You know? Yeah... That and worst.

In a nutshell, I lost the credibility on that job, in what I was doing and in the instituition in general. So much that I honestly think nobody actually does anything there, just pretending! Pretend you're super dupper busy and that's it! It should be enough. Ah, you fools!

The worst piece of this scenario was my boss too. I don't care about her anymore, but there was a period in my life when she was a nightmare for me and I could only talk about how bad she was. For months and months. It was exhausting!

So, in the end of 2015, I went to Miami for Christmas and I was away for 3 weeks. That was THE turning point in my life! After a few days in Miami, I felt SO GOOD that I couldn't remember the last time I felt that way and that's how I felt during my whole stay. It wasn't just because I was on holiday or the good weather, or because I was with family I love, it was more than that... I was far, very far, from the toxic environment I was living in. My family did, indeed, provide me a memorable stay, as always, but I was truly happy, inside me. Like, clear and inner happiness I almost forgot it was possible for months. How sad! So, when I returned home, in January, to a new year, my decision was made: 2016 would be a completely different year! I would quit my job and start doing only what makes me happy (read here and here - yeah!!). (It's Nov. 27th today and I have tears rolling down my face with happiness that I accomplished it all! :) )

I remember reading this post and feeling so inspiring about her story and how similar I felt (I read a lot of life changing texts this past year and assumed my life could be changed too), I wrote a long email to my cousin who lives in Miami thanking them for everything, sharing my decision and starting working for quitting - 5 months that is!

I made the job until the beginning of June and after 2 years, on June 3rd, it was my last day there, never to look back! :) I left without saying a word to my ex-boss and co-workers and I still laugh out loud with the moment! The last months were horrible of course, but not the worst because I had my mind set that it would be only temporary and everything I was doing was done with the state of mind of whom just simply don't care. Inside me, I had gave up everything on that job long before I quit and that's how I stayed on top for the worst period of my life and left feeling somehow 'superior'. Excuse me the seeming arrogance.

After quitting, I enjoyed Summer very very well (the 3 weeks after I quit I did nothing but everything I wanted!), I started working on my current personal project, which already started in October (perhaps I'll feel the need to talk about it later) and now I am happy as f***!!! Ever since I left my previous job, I never thought or talked about it anymore. I turned the page on that chapter of my life, interiorize everything good and bad that happened to me and moved forward.

I'm now a happy kid doing something I always loved but never looked at it as a possibility and I've preparing it since January. By September 2016, I had finish 3 important courses and an incredible exam which changed my life. It was a dream come true that was always with me and just needed to be taken serious to become true and it was as simple as that! I'd like to thank my family who lives in Miami, they had a greater impact on this story than they think, my boyfriend for listen to me (it is so important to have someone you can trust and talk to) and for suggesting me (very casually on a January Sunday lunch) changing job to what I'm doing now and my brother for all the real help in the last 3 months.

I can say I have now in my life a lot of 'things' I've dreamt about in the past and I learnt that everything I want will eventually happen/come, only in the right timing - not in the exact initial moment I want (one of them arrived exaclty one week ago, after 5 years!).
For all of this, and a lot of other things that happened to me along the way, I'm super grateful for my life.
'What an year!' said my cousin to me last week! Yes, what an year it has been!

“Here's to strong women. May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.”


1 comment:

  1. AMOR!!!!! I am so so proud of you! What a beautifully well-written post. I am so happy about this year, and everything that you have accomplished. Sending you so much love and happiness from the U S of A!


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